Honesty corner with Albritton: solution to high prison costs

KRISTA ALBRITTON Staff writer

This country has a serious problem on its hands. I know what you may be thinking – she must be talking about Donald Trump. Sorry to disappoint, but you’re wrong.

Although our current president is a living caricature who hasn’t quite learned how to control his facial muscles, I’m talking about the ridiculous amount of money it takes to run a prison. How much you may ask? I don’t know; I’m not a calculator, but I know it’s a lot.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about possible ways to reduce the cost associated with prisons. Obviously, it would be impossible for me to think of a way to eliminate all costs, but as I was watching one of my favorite shows – Hannibal – my constant list of dead end ideas came to a close.

As I watched Dr. Lecter hack away at some girl’s lungs that were destined to be turned into a delicious meal, I experienced enlightenment. I think you catch my drift. Feeding prisoners is expensive because supplying food for thousands of prisoners is far from cheap. However, if the death penalty were reinstated everywhere, that could easily be solved.

Those on death row would get their last meal, get killed and then get right on the next day’s menu. A human body can supply a large quantity of meat and, honestly, Chicken ala Kingpin has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? “But Krista, that’s cannibalism! It’s inhumane. Not to mention, the human body isn’t meant to be eaten by other humans – people could get sick.” Yeah, I hear you.

Let’s be honest though, who cares about prisoners? What are they adding to society? Nothing, that’s what. They are in cages for a reason, people. They are the dregs of society, the lowest of the low, the dirt beneath our shoes; they shouldn’t get a choice.

I know some of you must be thinking about how cruel and crazy this sounds. But, you read this column for honesty and that’s exactly what you are getting. You may not like it, you may think that cannibalism is one of the most inhumane things one could possibly do, but I don’t – never have, in fact – and this is my honest opinion.

Meat is meat. It doesn’t matter where it comes from or how it was obtained. If people have to die, so be it. People die for good causes all the time. This is no different.

April Fools!!